So, for the last few weeks I have been contemplating the purchase of a new vehicle… for me. Though I don’t really have anywhere to drive, it seems socially acceptable to own a vehicle, and I’ve heard that people rate social status based on the model. With that in mind, I immediately struck a number of manufacturers off the list.
- Volvo – Because I’m just not that old.
- Saab – Same as above, and I’m also not a homosexual.
- Rover – Apparently only bland people own these.
- Vauxhall – Though I miss my youth, I was never a 17 year old chav pretending my Corsa was a Ferrari by attaching a whopping great exhaust!
This left me with only a small selection. Audi, BMW and Volkswagen. After browsing the ranges, I found that I didn’t dislike any of them. This called for something drastic… I needed to consult Jeremy!
Jeremy hasn’t had a good history with cars. Very recently he wrote his Saab (He continually swears that he is heterosexual) off when someone drove into the side of it. Apparently they hated gays too… but Jeremy thinks that they just didn’t look where they were going. Whatever the case, I value his opinion.
He suggested the VW Passat because of the supposedly great fuel efficiency. Apparently a tank can give you up to 1,000 miles range! This was indeed an interesting snippet of information. He then backed up his suggestion by telling me that should I ever wish to go dogging, there would be plenty of room in the back if you put the seats down.
This immediately changed my mind. Is the VW Passat just a car people have to go dogging? You should be wary if you find yourself stationary in traffic and the car behind you is a Passat driven by a middle aged man… you should also be very wary if you are in a public carpark after dark and the middle aged man flashes you (with the car headlights) and then points to the back seats.
No. After this thought, I decided to stick with my original car. I prefer looking like an 80′s pimp than anything listed above… especially not a desperate dogger!
